One Sunday morning I was driving down Sherman Way in the Valley passing “Church on the Way” when I noticed a drop dead gorgeous blonde Viking queen walking toward the entrance. Too young for me I thought, but isn’t everyone. I made a U turn and drove into the Church parking lot. She was beautiful and a Church girl. An impossible combination to ignore and in this last decade in L.A. with the illegal alien invasion, finding a Caucasian girl is like stumbling across a long thought extinct species. I entered the Church and began walking up and down the aisles looking for the Caucasian. The preacher said something and the congregation started breaking into groups holding hands. I kept searching. A man pointed at me and beckoned me to join his group. It was Pat Boone, the singer. Holding hands in a circle each person took turns asking all of us to pray for divine intervention. One man told of a family member with a terminal illness and asked us to pray for the family member. The next man had a similar story and then the next. Now my turn. I looked up at Mr. Boone. He nodded. Bowing my head I asked God to help me find the blonde girl I had seen walking into the Church. A cold silence was palpable. After an uncomfortably long pause Mr. Boone spoke taking me off the hook. “Lord, I don’t know if it’s your will that Mike meet the blonde girl…”
I went back two successive Sundays to try and meet the beautiful Church girl but it was complicated by the Church having two Sunday morning services and there were a whole lot of people. I never did see her again.
What a fool I am. No wonder I don’t have anything.