One Sunday morning I was driving down Sherman Way in the Valley passing “Church on the Way” when I noticed a drop dead gorgeous blonde Viking queen walking toward the entrance.  Too young for me I thought, but isn’t everyone.  I made a U turn and drove into the Church parking lot.  She was beautiful and a Church girl.  An impossible combination to ignore and in this last decade in L.A. with the illegal alien invasion, finding a Caucasian girl is like stumbling across a long thought extinct species.  I entered the Church and began walking up and down the aisles looking for the Caucasian.  The preacher said something and the congregation started breaking into groups holding hands.  I kept searching.  A man pointed at me and beckoned me to join his group.  It was Pat Boone, the singer.  Holding hands in a circle each person took turns asking all of us to pray for divine intervention.  One man told of a family member with a terminal illness and asked us to pray for the family member.  The next man had a similar story and then the next.  Now my turn.  I looked up at Mr. Boone.  He nodded.  Bowing my head I asked God to help me find the blonde girl I had seen walking into the Church.  A cold silence was palpable.  After an uncomfortably long pause Mr. Boone spoke taking me off the hook.  “Lord, I don’t know if it’s your will that Mike meet the blonde girl…”

I went back two successive Sundays to try and meet the beautiful Church girl but it was complicated by the Church having two Sunday morning services and there were a whole lot of people.  I never did see her again.

What a fool I am.  No wonder I don’t have anything.